Molly Ann Will Be TWO!

In an attempt to mentally prepare for Molly's second birthday, I have been taking pictures, first at the botanical gardens, and then sunday just right before church. I like "The Kiss" picture. I cannot believe two years have gone so quickly, and I find myself wondering how did I transition so quickly from being the mother of two children under the age of two, to the mother of a four and two year old? I am finding the verse about how our life is a vapor is especially true if you parent young children. They change so quickly! I try so hard to squeeze them at this stage, when they are soft and innocent, in the hope that this time will be indeliable in my mind. I cannot really remember much about their infancies now. (Thankfully, too, as that newborn stage can be a doozy!) It seems that who they are right now is who they have always been. With this realization comes a saddness, because I can recognize when they are nine and eleven, they will just seem like they have always been that age, and their toddlerhood will seem hazy and inaccessible. They are so cute right now, just the way they are! Jackson told me the other day that he wanted a muffin. When I told him to eat his broccoli first, he said "Mom, muffins are vegetables!" And, Molly told her dad that when she was at the pool today, monsters chased her! They both have a vivid imagination. And, they are so kind and yet selfish at the same time. Molly will worry if Jack is upset, but if he dares to lay a finger on her pretzels, he must prepare for her wrath. And, Jackson actually lays on his toys to hide them from Molly. When she wakes up from naps, he instructs me to put her back in the crib, because he doesn't like her! That honesty is refreshing and infuriating, and it typifies the essence of childhood. (And, the essence of humanity, really, if you stop to consider it.) Anyway, on the eve of her birthday, I am full of gratitude, thanksgiving, and longing. Longing for the future days we will share, and for the days that comprise the two past years. At times, those days seemed neverending, as the cycles of housework, diaper changing, and fits were my life. The days of those two years have passed slowly, but their cumulative effect has been lightening quick. At night, I must confess after prayers, songs, books and last sips of water before Jack and Molly are off to the land of Nod, I sneak in their room just to touch them, to feel the baby soft skin and rolls that still comprise their bodies. I find Molly's tummy irresistable, and Jack's hands who have in the past four years thinned to reveal actual wrists, but are still like downy stuffed pillows my haven as I pray to thank God for their physical bodies and beings. This physical link is the last I have to their baby stages, and when they are asleep sometimes I can almost convince myself they are still so small, when in reality they have grown so much. Those hands and tummies are my refuge, and just when I feel so overwhelmed from the work that is motherhood, night time falls and I can retreat to gaze in amazement at them. Sometimes, on the rare occassion that Molly Ann is still, I press my nose deep into her ringlet blonde curls just to smell her. And, remember that same verdant smell that was her right after she was born. When her hair was still wet from birth, I smelled her head in amazement. And sometimes, if she hasn't washed her hair, that scent remains. It is so hard for me to remember what she looked like as a baby, but I have pictures to remedy that. Thankfully, I can still remember her smell, and I can still feel her wrapped tight in a Bjorn as I chased after her not two year old brother at the park or the zoo. That feeling, her warm body laid limp in newborn sleep next to my chest, will be with me forever. I am convinced that somewhere in my mind, I will always be that mother: chasing a two year old boy with a baby strapped in a baby carrier on my stomach. It is part of me, it defines me, and it will always be a part of who I am, no matter how far from those days I find myself. And, for that simple truth, I am a grateful to God.