What I Meant Wednesday

To Jack:
What I said: "Ouch...that hurt..no it didn't...it wasn't your fault it was mommy's fault."
What I meant: "I'm so stupid for standing close to you while you learn to hit off a tee. I can't believe you aren't knocking it out of the backyard with a swing like that one....where is the ice? A bruise on my hand? seriously.."

To Mike:
What I said: "I feel fat in this."
What I meant: "I need constant reassurance since hitting 35 that I don't look a day over twenty eight. If you mention my cellulite you ARE A DEAD MAN!!!"

To Mollers:
What I said: "You are on a talking time out from your brother. You are NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO HIM!"
What I meant: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

To Jack:
What I said: "Why did you pick the veggie tales entitled "The Case of the Lost Temper" ? Mommy is good to you. She took you to get doughnuts. She picked you up from school. She made cookies for your lunch."
What I meant: "Let's start looking for psychologists today. We're doomed!"

To our neighbors:
What I said: Nothing...I'm much to spineless.
What I meant: "Somehow, I don't believe having a drunken party replete with celebratory "whoos" at midnight is an appropriate way to greet Easter. Hmmmm, yeah, I know the Easter Bunnies at 4340 Kenwood did NOT appreciate being kept up til midnight."