Swimsuit season

It is my newest and most fervent conviction that department stores should provide the following three for a post-swimsuit fitting: 1) a psychiatrist with ample amounts of zoloft 2) a plastic surgeon who will gladly provide his services immediately, and this can be placed on your Nordstrom's, Macy's or Neiman's credit cards 3) a gym membership with a personal trainer who is named Fritz. And to all three of you who were born swimsuit models, I just want you to know that I genuinely detest/and fervently wish I could be like you.