Funny Stories that made my sleepless night entertaining

Jack and Molly were up all night off and on. And to top it off, I have a crick in my neck that won't go away! So, while I was waiting for Mike's oxycontin pills to take effect and whisk me off to off/on sleep, I was remember funny things about my childhood (like under the age of 10).

1. I really thought I was a boy. My favorite thing in the world was playing football/kickball/tetherball/ baseball against the boys. I wanted to beat them in any way I could. Unfortunately, sports were largely segregated by the boys. One time, I was playing football with a bunch of boys and one of the older players told me girls were DC, which means Don't Count.

2. I guess I had a lot of testosterone when I was younger, because I also liked to fight. Strange, I know. Once, my friend Veronica and I had a big war with the boys in our class. We squared off and faced each other. Veronica proceeded to kick me in the shin and she said, "This is my best friend. Look what I did to her. Just imagine what I'll do to you!" Ohhh, it left a huge bruise on me and a big impression on them. We didn't have a fight that day.

3. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a bartender or a professional wrestler. My mom used to come in when Veronica and I were serving "drinks" on my dresser. I remember beer was a quarter.

4. I used to have a huge crush on a boy named Clint. To show my love for him, I challenged him to a long distance race. I lost, and cried, and he didn't get the hint that I had a crush on him.

5. I used to love and still love FROGS!!!! When I was a little girl, I would kiss them thinking they would turn into a prince. Yuck. I also liked worms, bugs, and horned toads. I could catch them very quickly. Once, years later, when I was on a date with Mike, i saw a frog jump in some tall grass. Even though I was all dressed up, I dropped to my knees and caught the frog. Mike wasn't so impressed.

6. I had an onery club with my cousin Cathie. Mickie refused to join because the sole purpose of the club was to be mean to other people. One of the onery club's main jobs was to pester Dale and Cody. We planned year round activities to bother them.

7. The onery club communicated via aliens that lived in our ears. I truly, really believed this.

8. I hated to do any work in class, so I just didn't. I didn't care if I lost my recess (this happened all the time. the teacher would leave me in the class by myself while everyone went out for recess. i thought this was AWESOME! I used to draw pictures on the chalkboard and practice kissing wrestler David Von Erich!)

9. I had a doll I took to our super small church in Paradise Texas. Paradise Church of Christ. I would tell my mom that the baby needed to go outside. Then, I would go to the nursery and sing, play or read a book for the whole sermon.

10. Once, my cousin and I decided to throw kleenexes at the preacher of our church. We packed our purses with kleenexes and sat on the front row and giggled through the whole sermon, but we never threw one kleenex.

11. My friend Veronica and I shared a boyfriend, Jason. She was his girlfriend for football season and I was his girlfriend for basketball season.

12. I had another boyfriend, Randy. We started a kissing club. To join, you had to have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you kissed. When my dad found out, I literally thought I would die of embarassment. One year for Valentine's Day, he gave me some used perfume and a rock! And, I thought it was an AWESOME gift.

13. My brother Cody and I used to plan to have a fishing pond outside. WE dug a hole and as the water drained out of it, I would yell "Emergency" to Cody. He would race into the house and bring more water. We did this to test it to see if we could keep it full for if we bought fish for it. We worked on it all day, and when we woke up the next morning and it was empty, I remember feeling empty, too.

So, maybe I had a rought night with the kids, but I have some funny, funny memories of my own childhood.