Top Ten Rejected Names for My Husband's Fantasy Football Team

Just got a rejection note from McSweeney's on this. Ahh, someday my dream of having a literature published will come true! (Admittedly, it was a little funnier late at night after a glass of wine...I digress). I hope you enjoy this rejected piece.

Top Ten Rejected Names for My Husband's Fantasy Football Team

1. The Howling Rowlings (Why did he hate this one? It obviously has bite, his team would sound wild, almost like werewolves. Who would want to play werewolves? Yet, he did not like it at all!)



2. The Vampires (Again, it sounds scary...vampires suck blood, and kill people. Would you want to be tackled by a vampire? Just think of that scary Jon Bon Jovi movie where he is a vampire hunter. And, yet, he rejected it. Maybe Blood suckers would work better.)



3. The Gambling Referees (I know nothing about sports, except that some referee was just charged with betting on games. Perhaps he could have tweeked this one a bit and made it more manly? Maybe changing Referees to Refs or Umps would get me credibility here.)



4. Hail Mary Suicide Tacklers (Distateful? It's possible. Yet, I think the problem here was the use of the word Tacklers. What do you call those guys that hit people on the field except tacklers or meanies?)



5. The Face Recyclers (I loved the allusion to the green movement. Especially with all those eco terrorists who are destroying hummers, mountain top developments and what not. Yet, this name was rejected).



6. Chris Hansen's Predator Catchers (Maybe not so clever unless you love the Dateline show where grown men show up with beer, condoms, candy, Hello Kitty Dolls and whatever else they think a 14 year old girl required for seduction. I guess Mike's buddies would not be amused.)



7. The Team Which Must Not Be Named (This one got a laugh, but it was too long.)



8. Vick's Fighting Canines (Not even a smile!...Come on Mike, this stuff is golden!)



9. Romo+ Underwood=Dropped Balls! (Too juvenile, he said. Also, what would the team mascot look like? My answer, Carrie Underwood with a baseball bat aimed at somebody's pretty little supped up ride, hopefully not with Jesus behind the wheel. )



10. Mark Cuban's New Toy (Here, he rejected the word "toy" as a part of a scary football team. Still, the Mark Cuban reference shows I at least scan the headlines of the sports section, so I get points for that, right?)



Mike suggested names like seahawks, or jaguars.... or maybe some inappropriate name that denotes some one's ethnicity like Indians, redskins or fighting Irish. I am pretty sure that if anyone out there needs clever name suggestions for the fantasy teams, I am the one to come to!