Good Friday Meditation

At our church on Sunday, the preacher, Drew Sherman, preached the most convicting sermon about Jesus's crucifiction I have ever heard. I wept openly, as did many people I saw. On my note pad, I wrote the words I Flinch, and I have been thinking of those two words since Sunday. I believe God's Spirit gave me these words. I have worked them through my mind over and over, tried to ignore them, tried to cast them away and let the thoughts of the world overtake them. They will not go away. I wrote a poem about them, to help my heart prepare for Easter. More important than stuffing the Easter eggs, buying the sweetest clothes for my children, or preparing for Easter lunch is my mental preparation. What did it mean? How can I define my identity within the Easter celebration? This is what I have come up with.

I Flinch

I flinch
Recounting your steps carrying your death.
I flinch
Thinking of splinters, fatigue, stumbling
I flinch
Closing my eyes I cannot force my mind to picture soldiers nailing you to the cross
Or casting lots for your bloodsoaked clothes
Or pushing a crown of thorns on your weary, sweat soaked head.
I flinch
Your lack of protest is my salvation
I flinch
It is clear your requested a reprieve.
Is there another way?
God's silence drove you forward.
God's eyes, seeing you as my sin
Lust, greed, selfishness, pride, murder, lies.
I flinch
I do not want to feel my culpability.
I flinch
I do not want to see that the flogging, piercing, beating, mocking, humilating death was for me.
I flinch
But, before I do, I see myself holding the hammer
That struck the nails that held you to the cross.
I weep
You asked for water, they gave you vinegar.
(Did it sting the open wounds?)
I flinch
When I think of the unimaginable agony that purchased my salvation.

It is my prayer that God will use this Sunday to lift my heart in joy when I realize that the cross was Jesus's choice, his love for me and you kept him there, and on Sunday, God's power was revealed to the whole world! When Jesus walked out of the tomb, we were all set free! Praise God!