My Last Day as a SAHM: Another Red Letter Day!
It is not surprising, I suppose, that I love the beach and the waves that crash into them. They always keep coming in a rhythm that I find so relaxing. I know I'm not alone in this. I find that this same rhythm is echoed in our human lives. 7 years ago this day, my belly was extra-large with Jack McCormack. I was heading back to work after a summer break to my job at as a high school English teacher at Lamar High School. I was nervous about Jack, but 100% positive that the daycare exactly one block away would be a great idea for him. I had NO plans to be a SAHM at all. I remember at the end of my first day as a 9 1/2 month pregnant teacher, I was sprawled out in a camp chair and my students were very afraid I might go into labor in front of them. (Probably the BEST lesson for abstinence or birth control they EVER got in high school.) And then, I met him. Of course, after hours of labor, worry, ect....but still. My very next memory is of holding a screaming, crying baby boy. And much pain. (they say you don't remember the pain...whatever, that's stupid, of course you do. it freaking sucks...)
Still in a lot of pain, riding in my car on a doughnut, I had to go up to the school because my substitute teacher couldn't figure out my lesson plans. When I showed them to the head of the English dept., she was shocked there was any question at all. I was EXTREMELY organized and ready for maternity leave. I was so angry at having to deal with work stuff...and that anger never subsided. I knew I had to quit to care for Jack. First I told Mike, then my parents, then my principal. And I was free.
Free to do what? I hadn't the foggiest idea! I put Jack in my bjorn, joined some museums and the zoo, met Cathie and Ava for lunch, baked Hamburger Helper and had left overs every other night because we were so poor. We took naps together, built blocks, watched baby einsteins, talked, read books, played and ultimately expanded our family with the wonderful and fabulous Molly McCormack. My sweet mini-me. We moved to Keller. Life got tougher. I had two children under 22 months apart. I became depressed. I got lost in the waves of laundry, cooking, and games. I clinged to my parents who visited once a week. I was pummeled by the monotony it takes to keep a household successfully running. And, I longed to go back to work. Caring for two small children is taxing, hard, boring, and WONDERFUL all at once. I made friends with other moms who helped me immensely. They talked to me, showed me how to handle the pressure with grace, and mostly shared themselves with me during a challenging time.
Being an at home mom feels like it is high tide ALL THE TIME. There are no breaks, no moments to catch your breath. You scarf down what's left over on tiny plates like a turkey vulture, gulp water in intervals like a camel, vacuum like a robot, and laugh hysterically like a hyenas at the predicaments you find yourself in.
I needed a lot of adult interaction, so I started back to school, got an MA, and worked part time to quell the desire to go back to work. Those moments where I got to think, write and interact with others were my life-line. But, it only satiated my appetite for full time employment for a bit.
Now my kiddos are 7 (this month) and 5. I have been hired to teach English at the DAEP school, or as Jack calls it "JUVIE". I work 5 minutes from home. Since I work in GCISD, I am mostly on Jack and Molly's schedule. I will work from 7 a.m. til 3 p.m. or so. I probably won't have any after school commitments except the kids. Molly is going to a preschool, and Jack is going to an after school program. But, I start back tomorrow. I am in shock. I prayed for this day. I longed for this day. I missed public school education. And now I am on the precipice of going back. It feels good. But, I feel a bit nostalgic, too.
I don't know how my year will go. I do know I am no where near the person I was 7 August's ago, swollen with a baby who would change my life for the better. God has richly blessed our family during this time. We have had very few catastrophes, no tragedies, and financially, we are much better off. We stand in awe of his provisions, and on the eve of such a great change, we pray for his guidance. What a wonderful, crazy ride this SAHM life has been.
I will miss lazy starts to the mornings (though they disappeared with Jack's start of K last year). I'll miss seeing Jack drag his backpack out of the school hall when his day is over, and seeing children rush up to him and bring him things he forgot. I will miss Molly's wild morning hair and snuggles with her puppy-like morning breath kisses. I will miss our MANY trips to the Fort Worth Science Museum and the Fort Worth Zoo. I will miss being with other SAHMs who are so kind! I will miss volunteering in Jack and Molly's classes. I will miss the quiet house at 7 a.m., before any one else is up (although this too has gone away with the onset of Jack's public schooling). I will miss walks to the park, picnics, and meeting Mike for lunch in the middle of the day.
I will not miss part time employment, being bored, hearing the TV on and feeling guilty, and all of the people who think since you are a SAHM you must have a ton of time to volunteer to help. I am excited for this new journey. I am so amazed at the waves of time, and how they have changed us, and yet, still, the same cyclical nature seems to be echoing in our lives. We had a simple life when only one of us worked, and now that has gone, but with another crash different blessings will wash up on our shore. Who knows what kind of similar situation I will find myself in during coming blasts of future waves. I am so thankful for the time I had with small children. It was costly, but it was worth it.
posted by 1literatimommy @ 1:39 PM
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