Funny Stories that made my sleepless night entertaining

Jack and Molly were up all night off and on. And to top it off, I have a crick in my neck that won't go away! So, while I was waiting for Mike's oxycontin pills to take effect and whisk me off to off/on sleep, I was remember funny things about my childhood (like under the age of 10).

1. I really thought I was a boy. My favorite thing in the world was playing football/kickball/tetherball/ baseball against the boys. I wanted to beat them in any way I could. Unfortunately, sports were largely segregated by the boys. One time, I was playing football with a bunch of boys and one of the older players told me girls were DC, which means Don't Count.

2. I guess I had a lot of testosterone when I was younger, because I also liked to fight. Strange, I know. Once, my friend Veronica and I had a big war with the boys in our class. We squared off and faced each other. Veronica proceeded to kick me in the shin and she said, "This is my best friend. Look what I did to her. Just imagine what I'll do to you!" Ohhh, it left a huge bruise on me and a big impression on them. We didn't have a fight that day.

3. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a bartender or a professional wrestler. My mom used to come in when Veronica and I were serving "drinks" on my dresser. I remember beer was a quarter.

4. I used to have a huge crush on a boy named Clint. To show my love for him, I challenged him to a long distance race. I lost, and cried, and he didn't get the hint that I had a crush on him.

5. I used to love and still love FROGS!!!! When I was a little girl, I would kiss them thinking they would turn into a prince. Yuck. I also liked worms, bugs, and horned toads. I could catch them very quickly. Once, years later, when I was on a date with Mike, i saw a frog jump in some tall grass. Even though I was all dressed up, I dropped to my knees and caught the frog. Mike wasn't so impressed.

6. I had an onery club with my cousin Cathie. Mickie refused to join because the sole purpose of the club was to be mean to other people. One of the onery club's main jobs was to pester Dale and Cody. We planned year round activities to bother them.

7. The onery club communicated via aliens that lived in our ears. I truly, really believed this.

8. I hated to do any work in class, so I just didn't. I didn't care if I lost my recess (this happened all the time. the teacher would leave me in the class by myself while everyone went out for recess. i thought this was AWESOME! I used to draw pictures on the chalkboard and practice kissing wrestler David Von Erich!)

9. I had a doll I took to our super small church in Paradise Texas. Paradise Church of Christ. I would tell my mom that the baby needed to go outside. Then, I would go to the nursery and sing, play or read a book for the whole sermon.

10. Once, my cousin and I decided to throw kleenexes at the preacher of our church. We packed our purses with kleenexes and sat on the front row and giggled through the whole sermon, but we never threw one kleenex.

11. My friend Veronica and I shared a boyfriend, Jason. She was his girlfriend for football season and I was his girlfriend for basketball season.

12. I had another boyfriend, Randy. We started a kissing club. To join, you had to have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you kissed. When my dad found out, I literally thought I would die of embarassment. One year for Valentine's Day, he gave me some used perfume and a rock! And, I thought it was an AWESOME gift.

13. My brother Cody and I used to plan to have a fishing pond outside. WE dug a hole and as the water drained out of it, I would yell "Emergency" to Cody. He would race into the house and bring more water. We did this to test it to see if we could keep it full for if we bought fish for it. We worked on it all day, and when we woke up the next morning and it was empty, I remember feeling empty, too.

So, maybe I had a rought night with the kids, but I have some funny, funny memories of my own childhood.

My Favorite Lentil Soup Recipe

I have been making this super easy, super cheap lentil soup recipe that I made up. I want to share it because it is perfect for the cold weather we are supposed to have on Saturday. And, it is really, really cheap. Lentils are less than one dollar at Walmart for a whole package. For this recipe, you'll need:

1 cup of dry lentils, rinsed well
1 package of lipton soup, mushroom and onion
1/4 c each of chopped celery, carrots and onions
1 small package of mushrooms (or not if you hate them)
1 clove of garlic
a splash of olive oil to give the soup richness
crushed black pepper to taste
sprinkle of cayenne if you like it hot

Okay, you just mix it all up with three cups of water. Let it boil covered for 45 minutes to one hour, and then you have enough fresh soup to last the week. I put salsa on mine because I love salsa, and it gives it a little zip. Also, lentils are excellent for you and so are mushrooms. Mushrooms evidently have anti-cancer properties--so do onions.
Hope you guys try it and like it.

My Winter Coat

Hope you guys aren't offended by this, but since October I have been eating with abandon! In October, as we drove up to Houston, we stopped at a diner that was featured in Texas Monthly, some kind of Dixie place. I had chicken fried steak covered in peppery gravy and mashed potatoes...my favorite. Afterwards, when we stopped to refuel, I got a Twix Bar and a coke. Mike asked me if I was putting on a winter coat for the cold winter...of course, I hit him with as much of my girth behind that punch as possible and kept eating. I have eaten my way through the fall and now, I am warm and cozy and about 10 pounds heavier. To be honest, I am trying to fight the urge to burrow underneath my red oak or deck and sleep away my thesis! I am not sure there is enough caffeine in the world to jump start my metabolism or my desire to do anything but watch Top Chef while sipping a hot chocolate it is supposed to be sugar free). At least I have enjoyed Oprah's company in my winter coat endeavor. Alas, she has abandoned our coat factory and is opting for a healthier lifestyle. For Christmas, I made every cookie I could think of and ate as many as possible, while trying to look respectable. I even have a new favorite cookie: snow balls. They are like pecan sandies dusted with sugar and filled with white chocolate chips. They are heavenly, and I think I am carrying a snowball in each butt cheek. Since January, I have been trying to eat less, but it is soo hard, especially with my new kitchen aid mixer. Tonight, I made garlic foccacia bread....YUM! We have also had homemade pretzels, cake, and angel food cake! I am hoping to shed my extra winter coat, but I am having major difficulties. I had a friend pat my belly and ask me if I was expecting a third: I told her the truth was cookies and a lot of them, and I didn't even bat an eye or cry. Alas, I know that come tank top and swim suit weather, and I will have another break down in the Neiman Marcus dressing room as I curse spandex and swimsuits and consider the plastic surgery cards that are left on the table to the right of the dressing room. Perhaps this spring's swimsuit season will be the impetus that finally makes me move to Burlington, Vermont, where my winter coat will serve me well.

Happy Anniversary!

Mike and I will celebrate our 12th anniversary tomorrow! YEAH!!!! I am in awe that God has blessed us with 12 years--15 if you count the years we dated, which I do. We celebrated over a plate of steaming hot enchiladas and chicken soft tacos at Chuy's, Mike's favorite restaurant. I managed to eat my own weight in chips and salsa. Then, we spent a very long time shopping at the outlet's in Allen. Lastly, and most importantly, we went to Sprinkles cupcakes in Dallas, and I finally tasted the greatness that is a chocolate peanut butter cupcake. Holy cow, they are, as Aunt Lisa puts it, totally worth the calories. N and P have the kiddos for the weekend. We didn't actually travel anywhere this year, mostly because my tuition for school is due, and it is very expensive this semester as I had to pay for 6 hours in order to defend my thesis. If it is not finished by May, I will have to repay for it. That totally stinks. So, in light of this, we opted for a toned down celebration. In honor of our 12 anniversary, I am going to write down 12 things I have learned from my 12 great years of marriage.

1. Never leave your house after a fight with your husband to go and get rawhides for your new dog and a six pack of beer at Randalls for you if you aren't absolutely sure you didn't leave your wallet at home with your husband.

2. Do not lie to your husband when you are moving to another town if he lives in that town about how many boxes you have packed. He will find out that you have been laying on the sofa eating Krispy Kremes and potato chips when he comes up to load the trailer so you can move to the new town with him!

3. Do not ever yell obsenities at your husband as he works late at his job. Around midnight, he will tire of your tantrums and put you on speaker phone. Everyone will not be amused when you threaten to blow up the building.

4. Do not lie to your husband and try to look loving and unselfish by assuring him you really, absolutely, 100% Do NOT WANT a Valentine's Day gift because he has been working 80 hour weeks as Valentine's Day approaches. He will believe you, and ruin your first married Valentine's Day. Take this rule and apply it to everything. Be honest. If you are selfish, come clean: he can't divorce you if he is Church of Christ or Baptist, and you'll get great presents for each holiday.

5. Do not send your husband off with your Father on a skiing adventure because you really would rather shop in Santa Fe and assume he will come back uninjured.

6. When your husband has surgery to repair his skiing injury, and your are sick of his every request and need for help, do not park close to other cars and laugh to yourself as he struggles to get out of the car. This is not funny and you will feel guilty about it, and he will remind you about it forever.

7. Do not go in with your parents and trick your husband by telling him your parents are buying the home next door just to see his reaction. He will not laugh, and it is not funny to joke about stuff like that!

8. When someone compliments your husband, do not make gagging noises. It is not amusing to anyone but you.

9. When your husband returns from long business trips, do not ask right where the hell your gift is.

10. Do not hit the newspaper or try to take it away when your husband is reading it.

11. Do not say that it is the worst Christmas ever in a loud voice where others can hear the first Christmas you spend with his family.

12. Do not call him yuck mouth and swear you will not kiss him after the dentist says he could have gengivitis. Karma or something will come back and get you and you will have a huge number of cavities that will help you remember to keep your mean mouth closed.

13. Mike asked me to add this one. Don't change the channel every time sports comes on the news or anything else. His sighs are not sighs of adoration. He is totally annoyed.

Happy Anniversary, babe. I love you!

McCormack Family Christmas

We celebrated with the McCormack's on Sunday. What fun!!! Uncle Myles and Aunt Lisa came, and the kids were completely smitten! It was an awesome, fun day!

Weird ACU Website

Here is a website called weirdacu, that contains strange and interesting facts about Abilene Christian, mine and Mike's alma matter. Here is the link: http://weirdacu.wordpress.com

Happy New Year! Last night, I crashed out well before even New Year's in New Zealand! It was a crazy day, that culminated in Mike taking me to Rosa's so I could get two margaritas for supper. Molly ann has been in rare form lately. I forget she is three because she is very verbal, and her language is quite sophisticated. Yesterday, just yesterday, I had to tell her to climb down from the roof of the train at the Science Museum twice!, I had to scold her for running out with no abandon in front of the throng of people at Central Market. (This, after two prior "heads up" to she and Jack about why they must be careful while walking in a parking lot of seriously focused foodies driving large SUV's gathering their New Year's Even dips and spirits.) And, finally, she got a spanking for unbuckling her seat beat while traveling on I35! The spanking came after numerous past warnings that such activity is dangerous and can result in a ticket for mommy. Then, when Mike came home, my little angel turned into Rick Flare and jumped from the sofa onto Mike just to get him to grunt in pain. This "playful" activity resulted in a back injury for Molly when she fell off the arm rest of the couch (read: her ropes for a wrestling ring) and onto a plastic doll house! She squirmed and screamed, and my heart was broken, and I needed a Rita. So, off we went. Then, I was tooo tired to focus, and when they went to bed, I followed in short order. Today, she has seemed much calmer. Perhaps yesterday wore her down, too.
I am glad 2009 is here, but I am sorry to see 2008 go. It has been a blessed year for my family. Ironically, I know others have suffered unknowing and financial stresses I cannot begin to understand. I am thankful for them that this year is over. Our house has not been unaffected by the turmoil. We have lost a good deal of money, too. They have also cut back at TCC, and my classes may not make this semester, which is kind of stinky, but okay because I trust everything will work out for the best. It is just that we have enough, and our Lord has taken care of our needs and even some of our wants, too. Beyond finances though, and a broken arm and a few visits to the Urgent Care center for Jack's asthma, we have been overwhelmingly healthy. I praise God for our health, as this is something that you cannot really purchase.

Here is a recap of 08 for the McCormack Haus!

Jan. 2008--Celebrated 11 years with Mike in San Antonio, thanks in part to a visit to view a Time Share. We entitled this vacation "TimeShareaversary" We found out they drain the River Walk in San Antonio at this time every year. We ate enough enchiladas to weigh 400 pounds each! Began Feminist Theory class, and really loved it. I know it is controversial, but I actually really enjoyed it and found the debates invigorating for my faith.
Feb. 2008--Trip to the ER with Jack's asthma
March --trip to Galveston with Cathie and her kiddos. It was freezing, but we had a blast!
April--Mike's birthday, and finished my theory class!
May--DisneyWorld with Mike's family. We stayed at the Polynesian: truly a once in a lifetime awesome trip.
June--Molly breaks her arm. She also celebrates her birthday at Chuck E Cheese
July--trip away to the Solana Mariott with Mike! Read The Shack and loved it. Celebrated 34 birthday! Shared a birthday cake with Nana at Uncle Julios. Max turned 1!!!
August--Trip to Galveston and Johnson Space Center with Mike's family. Three weeks later, the hurricane hit Galveston causing a great deal of horrible damage.
September--Begin writing my prospectus. jack and Molly start preschool.
October--Happy Halloween! We celebrated Halloween with Baby Bear Max, and my parents and Mike's parents. Molly was Gabriella and Jack was Optimus Prime.
November--Turn in prospectus!!!! Miss Dad and Cody's Birthday's because a sickness wipes out our whole family. We also missed Thanksgiving because of this one!
December--Prospectus is approved! We heal and celebrate the holidays. I also got a new car! YEAH!!! It has third row seats and the kids and I love it!

I hope this year heaps blessings on you all. Happy New Year. May you rest safely and securely in the shadow of our King's throne.
--